We all know from experience how teens feel about their friends. They are “everything and the only ones that know how I feel”. Sounds familiar? Teens grow and change so quickly but they begin to understand how complex people are and how hard it is to find people you really connect with. They also learn that there are times when they can agree to disagree with their friends and still get along.
Parents of teens play a key role in who their kids choose as friends. The first thing a parent has to remember is to stay close to their teen. This can be challenging because teens want to spend ALL of their time with their friends but you have to keep close. Most teens will tell you that they don’t need their parents anymore but they do need the security that comes from knowing you are right there all the time. Studies show that teens who are close to their parents are less likely to take part in risky behaviors.
Here are some things that parents can do:
- Show your teen how much you care by getting to know their friends. Try not to go off of first impressions. Really get to know the friend and remember their name.
- Do not get thrown off by physical appearances. You have to give teens a chance. Some make crazy decisions about their appearance and while that may be a problem in some, there are those that are great kids. Just give it a chance before causing a fuss.
- Do what you can to make your home a friendly gathering place for you teen and their friends. If you make your house a great gathering place your teen will feel comfortable having friends there and you will be able to be a part of what is going on (from a distance of course).
- When you have concerns about a certain friend you may want to start out by just not being as warm and fuzzy toward that friend when they come over. Your teen should take your cue. If you say anything negative about the friend your teen will get defensive so it is best if you can handle this matter in another way.
If your teen does not have any friends at all you may want to seek help from a counselor and help your teen to learn how to have these kinds of friendships. You also may have room to be concerned if your teen only has friends that are older or is losing interest in their friends altogether. You may want to find out what the basis of the friendships with older kids is. Often it can be because of drug use or other risky behaviors. This is not to say that all of these friendships are on this level but it is a possibility. If your teen has the issue of losing interest in friends you should seek help soon. Something could be very wrong.
You should not, as a parent, accept your teen being secretive about their social life. You have the right and the responsibility to know where your teen is going, who they are going with and what will be going on. Ask smart questions, have consequences in place for unacceptable behavior and if needed sit down with a parent contract and discuss what is acceptable and what isn’t with your teen.
